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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

a note from Benjy's sister

Speak With Me.
March 26, 2010 22:43
by Elza Irdalynna

On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment's parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.

On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us "No need".

On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision. Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming "Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can't do anything now. It's simply a waste of money)."

On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate inquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied "No." Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.

But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.

Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him. On the last day of his remand. After the investigations were concluded. For only 15 minutes.

On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of 0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was "already packaged to be distributed" or the so called "cocaine processing mini-lab" was brought to court.

Because there WAS none.

He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.
But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.

Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.

He never saw us, he was "in a meeting." He wasn't too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us. We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.

Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from "witnesses" and "investigations" will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.

On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.

For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, mama suffered chest pains and lost her voice. We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.

But now, a new nightmare has begun. Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?

Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.

Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.

My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben's right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.

But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.

Liberty is a Constitutional right. It's time to get it back.


kesian pulak. (-.-)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

yeay !


smlm dok kalut abes, xbising kat facebook, kat belog lagi buat luahan perasaan brg paling berharga ilang -> pendrive. skrg, ai dah jumpe u! oh, careless nya diri. pg tinggalkan kat sofa library nape. buat hiasan utk org yg nak baca paper? dush, lempang muka sendiri laju2 la camtu. :D.

thanks GOD. =)

kesiannya kat ramai org. xpsl2 menanggung kebingitan, kepedasan ayat yang kuar dr mulot ni smlm. sorry.

Monday, March 29, 2010

help me, please ...

what the F

what the H

what the V <- eh, ape nih? duh, abaikan!

serious. ak nak pendrive ak sekarang jugak! dah macam ilang nyawa pendrive xde. ya allah, help me please.. macam2 ad dlm pendrive tu.. memory since 4 taon lepas, semua ad dlm tu.. everything ! semua yang penting dlm hidup, semuaaaa ! mcm mana boleh terlepas pandang, kot tercicir pon xtau la.. sigh.. ya allah, tolong lah aku.. terlalu memerlukan.. :(


Friday, March 26, 2010

homesick ?

tiba-tiba dlm kelas berlinang air mata, teringat ayah, teringat susah payah ayah besarkan anak dia yang paling leceh. sekolah menengah nak jauh, pastu result pmr n spm, xhebat langsung. kdg2 mata ayah merah, ayah ckp sbb ayah penat, tp, asernya ayah nanges. sbb time result aten dL aritu, mata ayah merah balik, then ayh pg toilet, sah, ayah nanges kan, tp time tu, aten bangga ayah nanges, atleast nanges sbb benda berbaloi.

then, teringat ibu plak. xtau nape, teringat part time nak masuk sekolah awal taon yg kebetulan raya puasa ujung taon tu, ibu sibuk letak kuih raya lam tupperware buat bekal nak balik hostel. bila nak balik ostel je, ibu sibuk cari bekal, biskut, air kotak, air mineral, xnk bg anak lapar bila duduk jauh2.

ingat lagi, ayah penat2 drive 5 jam pg, 5 jam balik semata2 nak jenguk anak ayah kat kelantan ni. pernah sekali ayah datang semata2 nak bawak pg cari kasut sekolah sbb kasut sekolah koyak. teruk anak ayah, xreti berdikari time tu.. ;(

then teringat ibu plak, if datang melawat hari jumaat, bawak bekal makanan yang ibu masak dari umah. yela, anak ibu balik rumah sebulan @ 2 bln sekali, bila sekali ibu ayah datang melawat, mcm2 bawak, thanks ibu..

recall lagi memory afta tu. teringat kecik2 before alif lahir, jalan memane ayah pimpin.. nk g beli paper pagi2, ikot naek moto, pg & balik sekolah berjemput. if ayah pg outstation, confirm melalak sakan sbb rindu ayah, then tido malam, ibu bg pakai tshirt ayah buat tido. ibu dulu garang, suke cubit, xdpt no. 1 kena marah, if ibu marah, lari pg kat ayah, duduk atas peha ayah..

and smlm, ibu call, suara ibu mcm sebak. katanya, dia pg motivasi kat skolah adeq, ayh plak amik cuti sbb nk tmn ibu, mmg xsangka langsung, upenya, adik kena panggil atas stage, kiranya ala2 student harapan sekolah untuk pmr taon ni. ibu kata ayah menitik air mata, sbb xsangka, adik ak yg selama ni degil gile, konon study tp pnah kantoi maen ps2 kat lam bilik dia, hehe, upenya ad jgk hasilnya..

so, dlm kelas td, ak dok pk n pk balik, pengorbanan ibu ayah, setakat mana terlintas, yg tu la uat ak nanges, selebihnya, xdan nk recall memory sbb classmate suh stop nanges + lect tgh syok bg lecture kat depan.. sebulan lagi nak final, insya Allah, aten buat yang terbaik ayah, ibu. (T_T)

duh, nak balik jumpa ibu ayah.. ;(

ad orang tgh happy skrg ya. nape? ad niat nak porak peranda hidup org? silakan. like i care la? i will win la. you're NOBODY. sekian =)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

siyes punya CUAK

alkisah perasaan cuak..

housemate : fatin..aku pengsan..br sedar..nk nanges..aku jatuh td..xsedar..ada pak cik tuh crita..
artis : ko ktne skrg??
artis : ak lm klas cik yatt lg ni.. ko ktne? spital ke?
housemate : kt lvl 4..dorg nk anta spital..aku namo..kena tahan lg nih..muka pucat gaban..
artis : ko rehat dlu situ.. xpyh pg egov.. nnt ak gtau bolat..
housemate : mmg aku kena tahan kt sini..
housemate : blk ngn aku nnt..
artis : oke2.. tggu ak situ la.. class policy kang ak x g kot, nantok gile..

*kemuncak cuak*, venue : d'mamak blkg uitm

si artis dan housemate berborak sakan, lagi2 si housemate, gaya mcm orang xpengsan tadi. dydy si housemate sorang lagi siap ajak jalan tesco lagi carik barang dapur.. paling taboley bla..

housemate : eh, petang karang jom kite pg jln2 lagi nak tepi sungai cm smlm.
artis : (dlm hati - "xsedor ke diri ke hape org tue ni, td pengsan ajk ak jln, ak plak nantok gil nih")
artis : kau xnk makan?
housemate : nnt kita balik umah masak la..
artis : kau nak masak pe?
housemate : kite masak la nasi, telo .. bla bla bla.
artis : uish, pening lah. tadi lam kelas, nana picit sedap gil, sedawa lagi..
housemate : eh, ak pening la.. ak pening..
artis : CUAK GILE BABI tengok housemate pucat lesi + peluh + gaya macam BOMOH SUEK tunggu masa nak collapse..

finally, selamat sampai hospital melaka..

tujuan utama cerita : ak nk ckp, ak xpernah tgk live pon orang pengsan depan mata. lagi2, step nk pengsan abes tu mcm take time kan + xde kemahiran tolong orang dlm keadaan nak pengsan & pengsan..

hikmah : demam ak dah baek, haha! selsema terus ilang afta 4 jam lebey bermastautin kat wad emergency spital. pening pon menghilangkan diri, batuk ad la sket lagi. sakit blkg xterasa lagi hari ni.

moral of the story : kena selalu prepare untuk pape pon jadi. ak pon xpnh kot tgk org pengsan live depan mata, bukan takat pengsan, gaya orang nak pengsan, siyes xpernah.. dahla awal2 ak sorang kot handle kau wahai adza time tu, yg laen, tergamam mayb.. kenanganG sungguh!

mcm terkilan btol ngn brader2 uitm kat d'mamak, korang ni, badan je besar, makan nk sedap, suh tolong angkat pon boleh terpaku ke? angkat awek tu, bukan suh angkat nyah. terpaku la sangat, paku tengkuk jadi pontainak br tau.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

help ?

fever ✔
flu ✔
cough ✔
sore throat ✔
back pain ✔

god, gimme strength please. (T_T)

Sunday, March 21, 2010


alhamdulillah, family selamat datang n pulang. cuti sekolah seminggu mmg seronok utk org mcm ak, sbb, boley jumpa family! :). even terkilan jgk, sbb, weekdays ad kelas, nk spend masa pon aser xpuas ngn family, tp, dpt uat rutin kebiasaan, picit kaki ibu ayah terlaksana. just, xsempat nk cabut uban ibu. sorry bu, nnt aten balik kerteh, aten cabut uban ibu ea. :)

ad dgn family, life aser okay sket. xyh sakit kpale sgt pk hal2 orang. bila balik umah family, xde spend masa utk online, so, kurang la sket bebanan kat kpale bila tgk fb si anu tu, anu ni. balik kali ni, ad 1 ayat hekmat dari si ayah yang ak aser, ak suka dgr, ak aser ak boleh apply lam idup ni.

"ada masa, kita kena pentingkan diri kita. kalau x, nnt kena jual"

so, ayah, insya Allah, anak2 ayah ingat cakap ayah. anak2 ayah mmg faham sgt maksud ayat ayah. tp, nk buek camno yah, anak2 ayah baek sgt2. anak2 ayah selalu pk masa depan orang laen. anak ayah yg xkawen lg ni, xkeras mcm ibu, follow ayah la ni, atie lembut *konon*, haha. tp, siyes, nampak je ganas, kasar, mulut berapi, hati sape je yang tau yah.

ayah dah nak abes keje 2012, means lagi 2 taon ayah pencen. ayah dah la kerja private, xmcm staff gomen ad pencen. xpe yah, insya Allah, anak ayah abes belajar, result oke, then nnt cari kerja yang baek. master ley buat sambil2 kerja. anak ayah kan sempoi, muka blur no. 1, tp, if nak, mmg akan dapat la, cepat or lambat je, mcm xknal kannnnnnnnnn. :p

psl jodoh, xpe yah if xdan nk nikah before ayah abes keje. nnt aten usaha sendiri tanggung belanja kawen. asalkan, yg penting, aten cari menantu yang baek untuk ibu ayah, yang boleh hormat ibu ayah, yang sayang aten, jaga aten dgn baek, ikhlas terima aten. susah nak carik orang macam tu, god's will, ibu ayah jumpa la. no worries. :)

ada masa kita kena pk masa depan..

hmm, to be continue.....

Monday, March 15, 2010

depression hurts

There are moments in our life when we feel that no one understands and accepts us for who we are. Those times when we weep in one corner and tell ourselves that there’s no use living the life we have.

At times when we had those kind of thoughts, we may not realize it but it’s not ourselves talking. Depression hurts us not just emotionally; it also stirs our mind to harm ourselves physically. When we’re so down, we can’t think of any good side of our existence, tend to drown in sorrow and have self-pity until we hit rock bottom.


Love was always supposed to be something wonderful to me, to watch it grow inside and to feel your heart beside itself. true love it has no hiding place, it's not something you just put away, it's always there inside of you, and it shows in everything you do.

Here we are the two of us, so full of love, so little trust, but dying for some tenderness, but too afraid to take the step. i know if there is any chance for us to find out happiness we've got to learn to let it go, forget all the pain we know.

Sometimes it hurts to love so bad when you know what it can put you through, sometimes it hurts to even laugh, sometimes the pain is just too much and it hurts like hell and that's the way it feels.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

ce qu'on appelle l'amour

J'ai un sentiment d'insécurité de la relation à ce moment. Je dois être sage de différencier le caractère de l'homme appelle les hommes. chaque personne a un caractère différent. Pour moi, l'argent n'est pas quelque chose d'important. Je voulais simplement l'amour. Je suis déjà fatiguée d'affronter le chemin de la vie comme une seule femme.

Oui, je suis d'accord, il ya des gars là-bas qui veulent être dans une relation avec moi. mais, moi, comme une femme, je dois choisir avec sagesse, pense plus à mon avenir. Je ne peux pas simplement une décision sans examiner ce qui se passera à l'avenir. les gens autour pourrait facilement me juger pour ce que je fais, mais sérieusement, si vous étiez à ma place, vous savez ce que je veux dire.

J'espère qu'il y est un homme qui pourrait honnêtement me parler. Dites-moi, ce qu'ils veulent de moi, acceptez-moi comme la façon dont je suis. prendre toute la bonté et la méchanceté de moi. Je suis trop fatigué pour divertir les gens qui préfèrent me réclamer que la "petite amie de stock". désolé de le dire, je ne suis pas le vôtre.

Encore une fois, s'il vous plaît, je suis la mendicité. quelque chose que je ne voudrais pas faire auparavant. S'il vous plaît, ne me blesse pas.


fatin baharum

Monday, March 1, 2010

Book of Eli

bak kata dydy, chantek ray ban dia. nak satu leh?

smlm afta photoshoot [konon] @ portuguese settlement, layan movie ni. mmg ganas gile, maen bunuh2 orang camtu je. ad org ckp, cite ni ad unsur agama kristian. tp, bg ak, pk positif tgk cite camni. kite bukan nk faham tiap ayat yang dia sebut. amik kira, if kita ad niat nk buat sesuatu, focus pd ap kita nk buat, abaikan benda yg xpatot, kita mayb ley berjaya.

we always have choices. :)